Mourners Bill Of Rights

Mourner's Bill of Rights

By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

You Have The Right To:

Experience Your Own Unique Grief

No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you

turn to others for help, don't allow them to tell what you should or

should not be feeling.

Talk About Your Grief

Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will

allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your

grief. If at times you don't feel like talking, you also have the right to be

silent.

Feel A Multitude Of Emotions

Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the

emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to

tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these

judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept

your feelings without condition.

Be Tolerant Of Your Physical And Emotional Limits

Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling

fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily

rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing

things you don't feel ready to do.

Experience "Griefbursts"

Sometimes, out of nowhere,a powerful surge of grief may overcome you.

This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who

understands and will let you talk it out.

Make Use Of Ritual

The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone

loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More

importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the

funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary,

don't listen.

Embrace Your Spirituality

If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to

you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support

your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with

who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

Search For Meaning

You may find yourself asking, "Why did he or she die? Why this way?

Why now?" Some of your questions may have answers, but some may

not. And watch out for the clinched responses some people may give

you. Comments like, "It was God's will" or " Think of what you have to

be thankful for" are not helpful and you don't have to accept them.

Treasure Your Memories

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of

someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your

memories, find others with whom you can share them.

Move Toward Your Grief And Heal

Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a

process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid

people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those

around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your

life forever.